Introspection
by Tani Barton
Summary: Tracey thinks back over the decisions he's made over the years and where they've led him.


INTROSPECTION  
  
Hi! Glad you're reading this. It makes me get that WAFF (warm and fluffy feeling). This is just a weird idea I came up with from this one episode where Tracey calls Team Rocket 'guys.' Please r&r, tell me what you think! And be honest!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own, don't make money off it, and if you sued me it wouldn't be worth the effort. Deal with it.   
  
"I choose you Bulbasaur!" cried Ash, throwing a pokéball. A line of red light resolved into Bulbasaur, who faced off against his newest opponent immediately.   
  
Tracey glanced up at Bulbasaur and fixed the image in his mind, then sketched it quickly. This wasn't a particularly important match, but practice never hurt. Besides, sketching always made him feel better when he was down, which was why he'd decided to become a Pokemon watcher. Of course, if I'd known where it would lead, would I have made the same decisions? A few years ago he would have said yes, anything was worth the cost of becoming the greatest Pokemon watcher of all time. But now he wondered, was the price too high?   
  
Drawing had always been his favorite thing to do. It helped him feel better to try and capture the way things appeared to him. When all the other kids had wanted to do was battle their pokemon, he had drawn, only reluctantly using his venonat for battle. He had never really seen the point to making pokemon hurt other pokemon. He'd seen enough fighting to last him a lifetime and beyond.   
  
His parents had fought for as long as he could remember. There was never any rhyme or reason to it, or so it seemed to him. Just endless yelling and anger.  
  
He understood that sometimes it was necessary to fight and he even grew to enjoy watching battles, although he still didn't exactly approve. But never could he accept that people had to fight as constantly as they did.  
  
As he grew older he began to spend more and more time away from home. His friends knew all about his parents and they pitied him, which was almost harder to bear than the actual fighting. Well, almost, but not quite. When he did return home, the fights invariably got bigger and bigger. It was after the biggest one ever that he finally made his decision. By the time his parents realized he was gone he was already miles away on another island. Not that they'd care, Tracey though bitterly. Probably made them happy by giving them something else to argue about. It had been six years now since he had seen them.   
  
When he had set out, he'd been full of dreams and hope. After all, weren't all ten year old kids like that? Confident and full of themselves. He'd soon run out of money though, and no one wanted drawings from 'some bratty little kid.' So he'd had to resort to foraging for food and doing any type of job that paid.   
  
It'd been on one of his many quests for work that they'd first approached him. Rocket members, two figures in black. He knew them now as Butch and Cassidy. Back then they'd just been 'those horrible rockets.' It'd been a tempting offer to a hungry little kid. Payment for telling what was happening in his area and making sketches of specific people. They'd never called it spying, just watching, but he knew that it was all the same. He'd declined both the first and second times.   
  
The third offer came at a particularly bad time. He hadn't been able to find a job for several days, there were no battles available, either to sketch or to participate in. He was almost out of money despite the fact that he'd been eating the least possible for the last week. So he accepted. It doesn't sound that bad, he'd soothed his conscience by saying. What harm can it do?  
  
And so, for the first time since he'd left home, money wasn't a problem. He managed well for several years, even being able to save some money. That was how he'd got his second pokemon.   
  
There had been a going out of business sale at a pet store on Mandarin Island and he'd just happened to wander in. He had seen Marill then, and fell in love. She'd been so cute and friendly. He'd asked the clerk about her and discovered that he had just enough money, even though it would wipe out his savings. She was worth it to him. Venonat had taken to her   
immediately also and they had become an awesome team. Life was good for a short while at least.   
  
Then the stakes went up. The Boss ordered him to stick with some little kid that showed promise as a future Rocket operative. It also included a raise in pay, so Tracey had yes without even thinking about it. That had changed though, when he had met him.   
  
Ash Ketchum reminded him of himself when he was younger, at least in youthful enthusiasm and determination. He did hope he wasn't that dense but maybe all little boys were.   
Tracey had used Ash's association with Professor Oak as an excuse to follow Ash and Misty around, but in reality it was all the Boss' orders. Tracey was a spy and he knew it and was ashamed. But he had no choice and no escape. He was trapped. So he tried not to think about it. He just did his job when he had to, reporting Ash's victories and Jessie and James' successes at incompetence daily through the comm link that was concealed in his headband, the one that he always wore. It was a present his parents had given to him before he left and the last thing he had to remember them by. They may have made his life miserable, but there had been good times among the bad, and he still loved them despite their faults.   
  
And now, once again, the stakes had risen. The Boss wanted Tracey to be trained as a thief and to start recruiting new Rocket members. It was a horrible cycle and it showed no signs of ending soon. Jessie, James, Butch, and Cassidy had probably been in the same situation as he, helpless and without any other options.   
  
Now that he thought about it, Butch and Cassidy had been about his current age when they had recruited him. Jessie and James couldn't be more than three or four years older than him now. It was such a shame. They all could've had happy lives, fulfilling their dreams if the world was a fair place. But it wasn't and there was nothing he could do to change that. Tracey took a moment to feel sorry for all of them.   
  
"Bulbasaur, leech seed!" yelled Ash excitedly.   
  
Tracey watched mournfully as the opponent's pokemon flashed red as its energy was being drained. He felt sorry for it, but no more sorry than he felt for himself. Wasn't that the way the world operated, draining you of everything you had and then discarding you? And all you could do was watch the world go by and wait for your time to die.  
  
  
Owari  



End file.
